Supporting kids who bite or hit siblings and peers

Why biting and hitting happen

Biting and hitting are often a form of communication. Common reasons include trying to escape a demand, getting access to a toy, getting attention, sensory seeking, or reacting to overwhelm. When a child doesn’t yet have an easier way to get their needs met, they may use the fastest strategy they’ve discovered.

Start with safety (without shame)

The first goal is preventing injury. Keep siblings safe with supervision during high-risk times, reduce crowding, and have quick physical boundaries (like moving your body between kids). Avoid long lectures in the moment—big language can increase escalation.

What ABA looks at: patterns and triggers

ABA helps you identify what happens right before the behavior (a toy taken, a transition, a difficult task) and what happens right after (attention, escape, access). Those patterns guide a plan to prevent triggers and teach a replacement behavior that works better.

Replacement skills that reduce aggression

• Requesting help: “help,” “stop,” or “my turn” with words, signs, or a picture.
• Breaks: asking for a break instead of escaping by hitting.
• Waiting and turn-taking: very short practice with a timer or “my turn/your turn.”
• Body regulation: safe sensory alternatives (chewelry, deep pressure, movement breaks) when sensory seeking is a driver.

How to respond in the moment

Keep it brief and consistent: block, separate, label the rule (“hands safe”), then coach the replacement (“say ‘help’”). Reinforce the replacement fast when your child uses it. If attention is the payoff, try to keep your response calm and minimal while still protecting everyone.